Monday, July 4, 2011

A Letter to My Bean While Catching Up On My Baby Memories Book

I have never been very good about staying up to date on my baby memories book. My sister bought me a beautiful baby memories book when I was pregnant and I used to page through it when I was pregnant trying to imagine the milestones that lay ahead.

 What would it be like to have a baby say mama for the first time or to watch her take those first toddling steps? I promised myself that I would record every moment into her baby memories book, savoring each moment.

Then my baby girl was born and life became a whirlwind of milestones and new experiences and sadly my baby memories book has become neglected. Of course as a baby blogger, I am usually able to go back though my blogs looking for times and dates, I tried establishing an online baby album to share photos and experiences with family instantaneously but even the ease of an online baby album has often proved too time consuming.

Today, a day before her first birthday I am determined to catch up which means a letter to my baby. There is a place in my baby memories book that asks for a letter to my baby, I tried when I was pregnant but could not find the words, I tried a few other time but could not commit to the time so here is my letter to my precious baby girl on the eve of her first birthday.

My Dearest Bean,
I have spent a year wondering how I could possibly sum up everything I wanted to say to you in one letter. I have spent a year wondering how I could possibly find the words that could express how you are loved for until you were in my life 

I have never known a love that came so easily and so purely as my love for you. You have wrapped your tiny delicate fingers around my heart and I pray you never let go. I am certain that like all mother daughter relationships ours too will have our hardships but know in your heart that my love for you will never be altered, for you are now a piece of my heart. 

 Still I am not unreasonable so you may have your time to loathe me, in fact, I expect it. You may slam doors, and you may shout to make your feelings heard, you can lock me out and refuse to speak to me as long as you know that my love for you will not change or waiver. 

You have opened my eyes to the world that I live in. Through your eyes, I see depth of the green on the leaves in the tree in the front yard each night as we say goodnight to it though the window of your nursery. When you lay your head on my shoulder, I often feel as if my heart could explode with a love for you that grows with each heartbeat I feel upon my chest. 

I want to give you the entire world and I want you to appreciate the amazing world that we live in. I want to take you to oceans that are new to us both and I want to walk the coast with the ocean breeze and your dreams in the air for I think the greatest dreams blow in over the ocean so make certain that you make time to catch them.

I want to explore new paths with you and I want you to see all the many places I may never see for I have heard our world is more beautiful than one person can ever experience and I want you to take in as much as you possibly can. I want you to dream bigger than you think is possible in all that you do, knowing that you create your own limitations. I want you to make mistakes because that is where you really learn the most about yourself. 

I want you to love so deeply that you fear your heart may explode, this will mean heartbreak and while I hate to imagine even one tear rolling down your cheek from those beautiful eyes, I want you to know heartbreak for there is so much strength on the other side and I want you to be strong. I want you to Love and to be loved so let your heart open and even if you are hurt do not close your heart for love is far too precious to miss out on because you are afraid. 

Do not settle and do not chase love just be still and let it find you and know that it will find you. I want you to be happy and I want you to do one thing each day that really makes you happy, it is important and it is easy to lose yourself so commit, commit to being happy every day and never skip not even on a mundane Tuesday.

I want you to be brave and to be kind because it is easy to be unkind but there is a feeling you get when you are kind that you can be proud of and in the end that feeling is far more satisfying that your unkind moment ever will be. Most of all, my Bean, I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible and I will love you far after I have left this earth. You are my world and that my dear daughter, will simply never change.

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