Since finding out I have cancer, I know it sounds trite to say I realized it was time to make it count, but I did. However, not in the way that was natural for me. I am a go big or go home kind of adventurer. I like to plan fun trips and all day excursions and my cancer diagnosis actually reminded me to just sit still and breathe. Ok, actually it was not the colon cancer diagnosis, it was the huge colon surgery that made it impossible to do anything but sit around for a few months.
I would sit on the deck with a book and watch Bean blowing bubbles in the backyard or climbing around in her playhouse and I realized that she was happy and that I was happy and that my husband was happy and somewhere in there I realized we did not always need an adventure.
We did not need to go to the baseball game for the Helicopter candy drop followed by fireworks because Bean would be just as happy with a night in the back yard filled with M&M’s, glow sticks and being allowed to stay up late catching fireflies with her friends. I realized that skipping our camping trip where we could kayak out to a private island would not even be missed and in Bean’s eyes would not come close to the chance to pitch a tent in the back yard for a girls night sleep over.
So as summer winds down, I am breathing it all in. I am inhaling that amazing summer night breeze as I rock Logan during bedtime stories. I am turning off the TV and blasting the music, as we turn putting the laundry away into a family dance party. I am sitting down to read a book on the porch while Bean and the hubby wash the cars in the driveway.
Most importantly, I am cherishing these moments with my family, I am holding onto the wine filled giggles, in the moonlight, with my friends.
I am happy. Enduring a week long chemo haze, every other week, just makes emerging on the other side, that much brighter.