Week 6 of chemo broke me. I should have been booty popping around the living room celebrating, hitting the halfway point. Instead, I was sick, I was dehydrated and I was mentally just broken. I could not see the glass as half full for all of the shower pep talks, nothing worked. My husband was positive, my daughter, well she is my angel and is what gets me through but week 6 of chemo was the week I got lost in Sadville.
I remember waking up on the Saturday morning after chemo, thirsty. I remember drinking water and coffee and closing my eyes for a minute and thanking God for pulling me out because I really did not know how I would go through another day feeling so very sad and sick. Thankfully, I have a “normal” week after every chemo week to regroup. I have a week where I can drink a beer and play outside and stay up past 7:30pm, it is that “off week” that saves me. I mean it REALLY saves me. The glass of wine (or 3ish) last week, snuggled up with a friend on the porch after trick or treat is what mended my heart and made me forget the previous week.
Still, the memory of week 6 lingered and as week 7 crept up, I felt my heart beating harder and I felt the anxiety creeping in. I did not want to go through that again and the thought of it kept me awake at night dreading it with my entire soul.
This week, I was desperate for a new plan. So my doc and I sat down and we talked it out and that dreamy man brought out the magic stickers. This was not our first go around at heading off the side effects from my chemotherapy but Damn if that sticker didn’t end up being a game changer. We tweaked some meds, I decided to FINALLY listen to my doc and actually stay home and nap rather than trying to push myself through my normal routine and what do you know, it worked.
Chemo week 7 was not fun. Chemo week anything is really just one lonely adult swim in a pool of Suck. However, chemo week 7 was better. I smiled, I worked (albeit from my sofa, wearing PJ’s and fuzzy slippers) and I ate food and drank water… every day. I made it to parents night at Ballet. *SWOON*
I swear she loves ballet, despite the sad face.
Chemo week 7 was not fun but I thanked God with all my heart, every single night, that it was better than week 6. I thanked God every day for the magic sticker (and when I saw what my insurance pays for said sticker…I thanked God for good Insurance). I mean, I have gone into debt and slapped a pair of shoes on an already bloated credit card in the past so even without insurance, this sticker would be worth the debt, but thankfully…I am covered.
I am emerging from chemo week today, I can feel the change. I feel myself slipping back towards normal and my heart is light and thankful. I know that with my new magic sticker, I got these next 5 chemo weeks.
5 more weeks… by spring, as the tulips are pushing through, God willing, this will all feel like a bad dream. My sister will have finished radiation, I will have finished chemotherapy. We will both be saying goodbye to our lingering side effects and we will be able to drink ice cold beverages any day of the week, together, cancer free.