Monday, March 16, 2015

Surviving the Chop With A Smile


With a numbing acceptance, I began to make plans to chop off my hair.  I told myself that it was just a haircut and that it was better than losing my hair.  I told myself to stop sniffling and tearing up, people get haircuts every day….THIS was not a tragedy.  However, all my arguments were laid upon deaf ears, I was heartbroken, so, I came up with a plan that would not allow for tears.

 I made it a mother daughter day.

The thought popped into my head and before I could change my mind, I told Logan that she was going to stay home from preschool with me on Friday.  I told her we were going to get smoothies and get our nails painted and that she was going to come with me to get a haircut.  She threw her arms around me and told me she loved girl days and I sniffed my sadness away as my tears turned from tears of sadness to tears of love.

The plan worked perfectly, my sister made me an appointment at Bristle and Prim, and as I walked in I knew it was going to be OK.  We walked in and were immediately beckoned to a waiting chair and offered a drink.  I looked at the wall and considered a numbing shot of whiskey, but alas…that did not seem appropriate on mommy daughter day at 10:40 in the morning.

I scrolled through the Pinterest screen shots of my haircut ideas and then I took a deep breathe and let it begin. My Bean planted herself at my feet and drew pictures on my phone and we chatted happily.

When it was done, I looked in the mirror and barely recognized the face looking back at me but I was not appalled by it.  I held back the tears over the next hour whenever I caught a glimpse of myself in a passing reflection and I focused on having fun with Bean.  We went across the street to Issacs, Logans favorite lunch place, where kids meals are Kraft mac and cheese, with a friend.  After a fun lunch, Logan and I went for manicures and all of a sudden, my day was not about cutting off my hair.  My day became all about taking Bean for her first manicure.

Logan glowed with happiness and pride as she showed her new “cheetah” nails to every stranger we passed.

At the end of the day, I was exhausted and happy and Bean was absolutely over the moon giddy.
This morning, it took me 30 seconds to style my hair and I was not sad for even a minute.  My hair has not been pulling out in long, dark handfuls so I am hoping this is just what I needed to slow the loss.

Today, is a new day.

  (Sorry Folks,  7 attempts to turn this photo and it was either post it as is or throw my laptop in a lake)

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