Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The 6 Month Scan....

Today, my sister goes in for her 6 month scan and I anticipate being a bit sluggish tomorrow from drinking too much wine in celebration of her continued win against Cancer. 


Next month, I go for my 6 month scan.  In the weeks, prior to the scan a small knot begins to form in your stomach.  Every time you stretch and feel a weird pain or wake up tired or feel nauseous, you convince yourself that the cancer is back because the nausea could not possibly have anything to do with you skipping breakfast and downing 30 ounces of coffee.  Then, you mentally punch yourself in the face, with a stern lecture about challenging Lindsey Lohan circa 2010 for her Drama Queen status.  

The time between the scan and receiving your results is even worse.  When I had finished chemo and was waiting for the results of my first scan,  I cannot tell you how many times,  I cried heaving ugly tears as I imagined my oncologist telling me that my body was riddled with cancer from neck to toes.  I cannot tell you how many times I pictured myself being told I had approximately 3 minutes left.  In fact,  I believe there may have been a moment,  where I screamed into the phone at a poor receptionist because I simply could not wait one more minute to know my results.

Geez, Drama much?

But seriously, as positive as I remained through the whole crappy experience, there are the moments where the doubts and the what-ifs burrow deep into your brain like a tapeworm. 

I think those moments of panic were one of the most difficult parts of my experience.  They didn’t last long, catching a glimpse of my ugly cry in the rearview mirror was usually enough to shake me back into reality with a head shake but at almost any time it was there, below the surface…that fear that you could not quite escape.


Despite the nagging fears that linger and sneak into your brain, I am confident that she will have a clean scan,  I am confident that I will have a clean scan…because we fought…we won…and darn it, we deserve a summer in the sun (with an appropriate amount of sunscreen of course).

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