Thursday, October 22, 2015

9mo Scan...7 Days Till The Champagne Corks Start Flying

Today is my sisters 9 month pet scan and while I KNOW it will be clear, she does not.  She is scared and her stomach feels likes she drank too much coffee, when in fact she could not have any.

 She is trying to think about where to go for lunch and whether she and I should buy a share of an organic cow (I vote yes) and yet, someone keeps throwing open the door to the land of “what if”.

Last year, we were doing normal sister things.  She was telling me to add more color to my wardrobe (I added a ridiculous amount of navy).  I was telling her to stop dating dum-dums, (she…), well anyway,  we were doing normal things. Then, 7 weeks apart, our normal Wednesdays got a sucker punch to the jaw with our respective cancer diagnosis’s.

We were doing normal things.

Today, we are both on the other side.  We kicked cancer right in its flabby butt cheek! We are doing normal things.  We are slower and more appreciative and we cling to those we love a bit more tightly but we are doing normal sister things.  She is rolling her eyes when I show up to her apartment in my new navy jacket and I am rolling my eyes when she tells me her new crush is (for privacy’s sake,  I am going to keep mum so as not to out the latest dum dum…but let me tell you my eyes are rolling)!

We are back to normal things like deciding who is making what for Thanksgiving, but as we flip through recipes of gratins on the Ipad,  I know that in her mind the words “what if” are racing around like a hamster in a wheel.

As these monumental anniversaries sneak up on us and we trek in for bloodwork and scans, we are ready to scream in celebration but we are paralyzed with silence as we try to break away from the “what ifs” swirling through our minds. 

I don’t know when it will get easier.  I don’t know if we will ever get to a point where we walk into a scan without a fear.  I doubt it but only time will tell.

So today, while I KNOW she is fine, she does not.  So, let us arm our karma guns.  Let us do a good juju booty shake, let us lift her up in prayer.  I know she is fine but a little extra oomph from the universe certainly couldn't hurt.

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